Blessings of a simple marriage

A man came to Sufyan Bin Uyainah (may Allah have mercy on him) and complained about his wife. “I am the lowest and most despicable thing to her,” he said. Sufyan lowered his head for a few moments and asked, “Perhaps you wanted her in order to better your status?” The man said, “Indeed, Abu Muhammad.” Sufyan replied, “Whoever goes for glory will be tested with humiliation; whoever goes for wealth will be tested with poverty; but whoever goes for religiousness, Allah will bring together for him glory and wealth with the religion.”

Sufyan then mentioned his own story to the man. “We were four brothers,” he said. "Muhammad, ‘Umran, Ibrahim and I. Muhammad was the eldest, ‘Umran was the youngest, and I was in the middle. When Muhammad wanted to marry, he desired status and married a woman of higher standing, so Allah tested him with ignominy. ‘Umran desired wealth, so he married a richer woman and Allah tested him with poverty, as (her family) took everything from him and gave him nothing.”

“I pondered over their situation,” Sufyan continued. “Once when Mu’ammar Bin Rashid came to us, I consulted him and told him the story of my brothers. He reminded me of the Hadith of Yahya Bin Ja’dah and the Hadith of Ayesha.” The first Hadith states that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “A woman is married for four things: her religion, her status (lineage), her wealth or her beauty; so take the religious one and be successful.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim) The second Hadith of Ayesha states that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The most blessed woman is she who is easiest to maintain.” (An-Nasa’i)

“Thus,” Sufyan said, “I chose (to marry a woman of) religion and with a modest dowry, in accordance with the Sunnah of Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) and Allah gave me status and wealth along with the religion.” – Abu Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliya (7/289, 290)

Note: The second Hadith has been graded weak by scholars. However, scholars point out there is another narration that supports and adds to its meaning, which states: “It is from the good qualities in a woman that she (is taken in marriage with) an easy dowry, an easy proposal (via her guardian) and an easy womb (i.e. she is fertile and bares children without difficulty).” (Musnad Ahmad)

Do Not Marry 7 Types of Women...

1. Al-Annaanah:

The woman who whines, moans and complains and ‘ties a band around her head’ all the time (i.e. complains of a headache or some illness but in reality she is not sick, rather she is faking).

2. Al-Mannaanah:

The woman who bestows favours, gifts, etc. upon her husband then (at that time or the future) says; “I did such and such for you or on your behalf or because of you.

3. Al-Hannaanah:

The women who yearns or craves for her former husband or children of the former husband.

4. Kay’atul-Qafaa:

The women who has a brand mark on the nape of her neck (i.e. has a bad reputation or doubts about her).

5. Al-Haddaaqah:

The women who cast her eyes at things (i.e. always looking at something to purchase, then desires it and requires her husband to buy it (No Matter What).

6. Al-Barraaqah:

The women who spends much of her day enhancing her face and beautifying it to such an extent that it will seem like it was manufactured.

7. Al-Shaddaaqah:

The woman who talks excessively..

‘A Concise Manual of Marriage’ by Shaykh Ibn Uthaymeen

23 F’s for a Happy Marriage

1. Faith: The most basic and essential attribute of a Muslim marriage is the common faith that binds the couple. Since Islam is a way of life and not just a religion confined to weekly worship it becomes an integral part of a Muslim's life. The frame of reference shared by the couple eases communication and sharing of values which is not possible in an interfaith marriage. It is highly recommended that faith play an important role in the developing a loving relationship.
   For example, as the Prophet Muhammad (SAW- peace and blessings be upon him) said, that even if a husband places a morsel of food in his wife's mouth, he gets a reward for this act and Allah increases the bond of love between them. So when we love each other for the sake of Allah WE ACTUALLY INCREASE OUR FAITH.
2. Forgiving: When the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) asked his Companions ‘do you wish that Allah should forgive you' they said, of course O Prophet of Allah. He responded, ‘then forgive each other'.
   One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive.
   If we expect Allah to forgive us then we must learn to forgive.
3. Forget: When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.
4. Forbearance: Sabr (patience) is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a pro-active frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah through Tawakul (trust) and reliance .We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life's difficult moments. As Allah states in Surah (chapter)al- Asr:
   "Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to Sabr (patience)' (Quran, chapter 103).
5. Flexible: Many couples un-necessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little.
   We should not expect our spouses to be our extensions. They are their own selves with personalities, likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be them selves as long as it does not compromise their Deen (religion). Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.
6. Friendship: This aspect of marriage has three components.
   First is to develop a friendship with our spouses. The relationship based on friendship is more able to withstand outside pressures.
   We honor, trust, respect, accept and care for our friends, in spite of our differences. These are the aspects of friendship we should bring to our marriages.
   Unfortunately the only aspect that people think of bringing to their marriage which is highly inappropriate is the buddy scenario. Shariah (Islamic law) has placed the husband in a leadership role within a family. This requires a certain decorum, which cannot be maintained if the spouses consider each other as pals.
   This should not be taken to mean that husband is a dictator but a shepherd who is responsible for and to his flock. This is a position of grave responsibility and places an enormous burden on the husband. Furthermore the children need to see their parents as friends but not as pals as this encourages disrespect.
7. Friendly: Second aspect of friendship is to have friendly relations with in-laws. When couples compete as to whose parents are more important it becomes a constant source of grief. Much valuable time is wasted trying to convince, one another of whose parents are most desirable. It is better if we accept, that our spouses will not overnight fall in love with our parents just because we want them to. As long as they maintain friendly relations that are cordial and based on mutual respect we should not force the issue.
8. Friends: The third aspect of friendship is our circle of friends. It is okay to have individual friends of the same gender but couples must also make effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together. If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage. Prophet Muhammad (SAW) advised us to choose God fearing people as friends since we tend to follow their way. Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.
9. Fun: Couples that do not laugh together have to work on sharing some fun times. The Prophet (SAW) was known to play with his wives. A simple walk in the park can add much spark to the relationship. Taking up a sport together or watching clean funny movies is another way of sharing a laugh.
10. Faithful: It is commanded by Allah that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a capital crime in Islam that is punishable by death. However there are various forms of unfaithful behavior prevalent among some Muslims.
    The most common form is maintaining friendships with the opposite sex over the boundaries set by Islam, and the misgivings of the spouse. The latest trend of Internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic Adab (etiquette) and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in, repairing that relationship is difficult. Another form of not being faithful is when couples betray confidences (trusts/promises) . This is a trust issue and one when compromised eats away at the heart of a marriage.
11. Fair: Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah states in the Quran do not be unjust under any circumstances, even if they be your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as "never" and "always" when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.
12. Finance: One of the most common points of contention in marriages is money. Experts tell us that 80 percent of marital conflicts are about money.
    It is therefore highly recommended that the couple put serious time and effort in developing a financial management plan that is mutually agreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful and wise way to handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife's money in Islam is hers to do with as she pleases and therefore should not be considered family income unless she chooses to contribute it to the family
13. Family: Parenting can be a stressful experience if the parents are not well informed. This in turn can put extra pressure on the marriage.
    Sometimes couples are naive about the changes that come in the lifestyle. This can cause in some cases depression and in some resentment and misunderstandings. One golden rule that must always be the guide is; that family comes first.
    Whenever there is evidence that the family is not happy or not our first priority it is time to assemble at the kitchen table and discuss with open hearts and mind.
14. Feelings: Prophet Muhammad (SAW) stated that Allah forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others i.e. hurt their feelings unless the person we have hurt forgives first.
    Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse's feelings, they take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses and if they invariably do, they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?
15. Freedom: Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not bondage or slavery. To consider the wife one's property is alien to Islamic concept of husband and wife role. The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed when members of the team are free to be themselves. Freedom in the common western since is to be free to do as one pleases or to be selfish. On the contrary, to allow freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate of their needs and to recognize their limitations.
16. Flirtation: A sure way to keep romance in marriage is to flirt (only) with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor in their marriages by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles.
17. Frank: Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. Marital relationship is where the partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other's feeling, without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders in the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other's inner self.
18. Facilitator: When choosing our life partner, we must, as the Prophet (SAW) advised, look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah. This commitment to Allah makes them an excellent facilitator (someone who makes things easy) for enhancing their partner's spiritual development. In essence, the couple facilitates their family's commitment to Allah and His Deen.
19. Flattering: Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse's heart. Everyone likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being stingy about compliments is actually depriving oneself of being appreciated in return.
20. Fulfilling: To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very fulfilling and rewarding experience. To be in love means to give one's all. The heart does not put conditions or make stipulations. It gives without expecting anything in return, but such selfless giving is always rewarded tenfold.
21. Fallible: It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose focus of the fact that we are fallible (not perfect/make mistakes) beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah is perfect.
22. Fondness: So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other by [failing] to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.
23. Future: Smart couples plan for their future together. They work on their financial and retirement plans, make wills and discuss these plans with their children. This provides peace of mind and secures the relationship.

Why Should I Wear The Hijaab?

This is a good question and there is a beautiful answer! Allaah has commanded us with every action that is good for us and prohibited us from performing every action that is bad for us. Allaah orders the Muslim woman to wear the hijaab when she steps out of the security of her home or when in the presence of strange men. So to wear the hijaab is a source of great good for you – the Muslim woman - for many reasons. Among them:

• You please Allaah. You are obeying the commands of your Lord when you wear the hijaab and you can expect great rewards in return.


• It is Allaah’s protection of your natural beauty. You are too precious to be "on display" for each man to see.


• It is Allaah’s preservation of your chastity.


• Allaah purifies your heart and mind through the hijaab.


• Allaah beautifies your inner and outer countenance with hijaab. Outwardly your hijaab reflects innocence, purity, modesty, shyness, serenity, contentment and obedience to your Lord. Inwardly you cultivate the same.


• Allaah defines your femininity through the hijaab. You are a woman who respects her womanhood. Allaah wants you to be respected by others, and for you to respect yourself.


• Allaah raises your dignity through the hijaab. When a strange man looks at you, he respects you because he sees that you respect yourself.


• Allaah protects your honour 100% through your hijaab. Men do not gaze at you in a sensual way, they do not approach you in a sensual way, and neither do they speak to you in a sensual way. Rather, a man holds you in high esteem and that is just by one glance at you!


• Allaah gives you nobility through the hijaab. You are noble not degraded because you covered not naked.


• Allaah demonstrates your equality as a Muslim woman through the hijaab. Your Lord bestows upon you equal worth as your male counterpart, and gives you a host of beautiful rights and liberties. You express your acceptance of these unique rights by putting on the hijaab.


• Allaah defines your role as a Muslim woman through the hijaab. You are a someone with important duties. You are a reflection of a woman of action not idle pursuits. You display your sense of direction and purpose through your hijaab. You are someone that people take seriously.


• Allaah expresses your independence through the hijaab. You are stating clearly that you are an obedient servant of the Greatest Master. You will obey no one else and follow no other way. You are not a slave to any man, nor a slave to any nation. You are free and independent from all man-made systems.


• Allaah gives you the freedom of movement and expression through the hijaab. You are able to move about and communicate without fear of harassment. Your hijaab gives you a unique confidence.


• Allaah wants others to treat you – a Muslim woman - with kindness. And the hijaab brings about the best treatment of men towards you.


• Allaah wants your beauty to be preserved and saved for just one man to enjoy – your husband.


• Allaah helps you to enjoy a successful marriage through wearing hijaab. Because you reserve your beauty for one man alone, your husband’s love for you increases, he cherishes you more, he respects you more and he honours you more. So your hijaab contributes to a successful and lasting marriage relationship.


• Allaah brings about peace and stability in the society through the hijaab! Yes this is true! Men do not cause corruption by forming illegal relationships because you - the Muslim woman - calm their passions. When a man looks at you, he feels at ease, not tempted to fornicate…


• So a Muslim woman in hijaab is dignified, not dishonoured, noble, not degraded, liberated, not subjugated, purified, not sullied, independent, not a slave, protected, not exposed, respected, not laughed at, confident, not insecure, obedient, not a sinner, a guarded pearl, not a prostitute…

Dear Muslim sister! Come towards the gates of Paradise with us! Fulfill your duties towards Allaah, put on your adornment - put on your hijaab, and race towards Jannah (Paradise) by doing all good actions. You should agree by now that wearing hijaab is extremely beneficial – it must be - because Allaah only commands what is good…

"Their reward is with their Lord: Gardens of Eden underneath which rivers flow wherein they will dwell for ever; Allaah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him; this is (in store) for whoever fears his Lord." [Sooratul-Bayyinah 98:8]

60 Ways to Keep Your Wife's Love - Guaranteed

1. Make her feel secure and sakinah - don't threaten her with divorce
2. Give sincere salaams
3. Treat her gently - like a fragile vessel
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere
5. Be generous with her
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart
7. Avoid anger, keep wudu at all times
8. Look good and smell great for your wife
9. Don't be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken
10. Be a good listener
11. Yes for flattery, No for arguing
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear
13. A pleasant surprise
14. Preserve and guard the tongue
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings
16. Give sincere compliments
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family
18. Speak of the topic of her interest
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is
20. Give each other gifts21. Get rid of routine, surprise her
22. Have a good opinion of each other
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don't nitpick
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses
25. Expect and respect her jealously
26. Be humble
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers
26. Be humble
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers
28. Help at home, with housework
29. Help her love your relatives, but don't try to force her
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you
31. Remember your wife in dua
32. Leave the past for Allah subhanahu wa ta ala, don't dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don't act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family
34. Take shaytaan as your enemy, not your wife
35. Put food in your wife's mouth
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect
37. Show her your smile
38. Don't ignore the small things, deal with them before they become big
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within halal boundaries
43. Help her take care of the children
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments
45. Sit down and eat meals together
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice
47. Don't leave home in anger
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home
49. Encourage each other in ibaadat
50. Respect and Fulfill her rights upon you
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, "Don't jump on her like a bull"
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don't take it outside
54. Show care for her health and well-being
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal
60. Have a good intention for her

60 Ways to Keep Your Husband's Love

1. Behave like a female, i.e. all the tenderness of a female–a man doesn't want a man for his wife!
2. Dress pleasantly/attractively. If you are a home-maker, don't stay in your sleeping suit all day.
3. Smell good!
4. Don't lay out all your problems on your husband as soon as he walks in. Give him a little mental break.
5. Don't keep asking him, "what are you thinking?"
6. Stop nagging non-stop before Allah ta'ala gives you something really to complain about.
7. Absolutely no talking about your spousal problems to anyone you meet, not even under the pretense of seeking help! If you think you want to solve legitimate marital issues, then go seek counseling with the right person who can give advice in either:
8. Be kind to your mother-in-law the same way you would like your husband to be kind to your own mother.
9. Learn all the rights and obligations of each other in Islam. Focus on fulfilling your obligations, not demanding your rights
10. Race to the door when he comes home, as if you were waiting for him. Smile and hug him.
11. Keep your house clean, at least to the level that he wants it.
12. Compliment him on the things you know he's not so confident about (looks, intelligence, etc.) This will build his self-esteem.
13. Tell him he's the best husband ever.
14. Call his family often.
15. Give him a simple task to do at home and then thank him when he does it. This will encourage him to do more.
16. When he's talking about something boring, listen and nod your head. Even ask questions to make it seem like you're interested.
17. Encourage him to do good deeds.
18. If he's in a bad mood, give him some space. He'll get over it, inshaAllah.
19. Thank him sincerely for providing you with food and shelter. It's a big deal.
20. If he's angry with you and starts yelling, let him yell it out while you're quiet. You will see your fight will end a lot faster. Then when he's calm, you can tell him your side of the story and how you want him to change something.
21. When you're mad at him, don't say "YOU make me furious", rather, "This action makes me upset". Direct your anger to the action and circumstance rather than at him.
22. Remember that your husband has feelings, so take them into consideration.
23. Let him chill with his friends without guilt, especially if they're good guys. Encourage him to go out, so he doesn't feel "cooped up" at home.
24. If your husband is annoyed over a little thing you do (and you can control it), then stop doing it. Really
25. Learn how to tell him what you expect without him having to guess all the time. Learn to communicate your feelings.
26. Don't get mad over small things. It's not worth it.
27. Make jokes. If you're not naturally funny, go on the internet and read some jokes, and then tell them to him.
28. Tell him you're the best wife ever and compliment yourself on certain things you know you're good at.
29. Learn to make his favorite dish.
30. Don't ever, EVER talk bad about him with friends or family unnecessarily. If they end up agreeing with you, you will see that it hits you back in the face because you get more depressed that you have a bad husband–and other people also think you have a bad husband.
31. Use your time wisely and get things accomplished. If you're a home-maker, take online classes and get active in your community. This will make you happy and a secondary bonus is that it impresses your husband.
32. Do all of the above fee sabeelillah and you will see Allah put barakah in everything you do.
33. Husband and wife should discuss and communicate with wisdom with each other to convey what they like and dislike of each other to do or not to do. Do NOT give commands or instructions like he's your servant. "They are garment to each other" [Surah Baqarah, 2:187]
34. Tell your husband you love him, many, many times. Aisha (رضالله عنها) narrated that the Prophet (صلي الله عليه وسلم) used to ask her how strong her love for him, she said like "a knot." And the next time he would ask her, "How is that knot?" He also used to reply to her saying, "Jazzakillah, O Aishah, wallahi, you have not rejoiced in me as I have rejoiced in you."
35. Have a race with your husband and let him win, even if you are much fitter and stronger than him.
36. Keep fit and take care of your health so you will remain a strong mother, wife, cook and housekeeper, inshaAllah you will not get FAT and frumpy.
37. Refine and cultivate good mannerisms i.e do not whine, don't laugh or talk too loud or walk like an elephant.
38. Do not leave the house without his permission and certainly not without his knowledge.
39. Make sure all his clothes are clean and pressed so he is always looking fresh and crisp.
40. Don't discuss important/controver sial matters with him when he is tired or sleepy. Find right time for right discussion.
41. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
42. Always let him know that you appreciate him working and bringing home the "dough". It makes it easier for him to go to work.
43. Make sure you ALWAYS have something for dinner.
44. Brush your hair, everyday.
45. Don't forget to do laundry.
46. Surprise him with gifts. Even necessities, such as new shoes, can be gifts.
47. Listen to him. (Even when he talks about extremely boring things like basketball or computers.)
48. Try (hard as it might be) to take interest in his hobbies
49. Try not to go shopping too much … and spend all his money.
50. Look attractive and be seductive towards him. Flirt with him.
51. Learn tricks and "techniques" to please your husband in intimacy. (Of course goes both ways.)
52. Prepare for special evenings with him with special dinner and exclusive time (no children permitted).
53. Take care of your skin, especially your face. The face is center of attraction.
54. If you not satisfied intimately, talk to him and tell him. Help him or provide resources, don't wait until matters become worse.
55. Ask Allah to strengthen and preserve the bonds of compassion and love between the two of you, every day, every prayer. Ask him to protect that bond from Shaytaan. When a lesser devil destroys the love between spouses, he is the most beloved of Shaytaan. Nothing works like du'ah, and love only exists between spouses where Allah instills it.
56. Don't EVER compare your husbands to other husbands! For example don't say, "well her husband doesn't do that, why do you …" (thats a killer!)
57. Be happy with what you have because no one is perfect. If you want perfection, wait until you enter Jannah together inshaAllah–and of course, vice versa!
58. Strive for Allah's love first and foremost! if all wives try to seek Allah's love and pleasure, surely, they can keep their husbands love too. And remember–if Allah loves you, the angels will love you, and the entire creation will love you.
59. If you pack a lunch for your husband to take to work, from time to time sneak in a little love note or sweet poem. If he doesn't take a lunch, leave the note somewhere else for him to find, like in his briefcase, or wallet or on the car steering-wheel
60. Wake him up for Qiyam ul-Layl (in the last third of the night) and ask him to pray with you.